silverenta

baby I wont leave you no matter how bad it gets and baby it hurt a fucking lot that you felt like you couldn't tell me sooner

I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you
I'm so fucking sorry baby

WHY DO I TRY SO HARD AND THE PEOPLE I LOVE FEEL LIKE THEY CAN'T TELL ME

WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN

FUCK MY SHITTY LIFE

IT'S ALWAYS MY FAULT

fuck nothing could distract me from the thoughts before now I might listen to them

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: anything loud enough to make me deaf

Tags:

its all my fault I never do enough for people and then they leave me

FUCK MY LIFE

Current Mood: drained
Current Music: anything loud enough

Tags:

I hate being alone as long as I have been I've been so bored for my whole life and I've learned a lot of useless information because I don't have enough money to do what I want to do and tbh idk what I want to do I'm so bored other than hanging out with my GF nothing has made me happy and genially enjoy doing it

Current Mood: blank

Tags:

idk how to say this but I've been spacing out so much and often now I feel like I'm losing it I can't focus or remember what I was doing and it lasts like 5 seconds but it feels like days idk its so fucking weird but its getting worse I know that

Current Mood: blank

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okay I'm done lying
I hate my life
I ruin everything I love
I try my best and more but in the end I all ways fuck up and its always a stupid lie I made
I'm done losing people I love to stupid mistakes
I lie to almost everyone but I'm done lying to HER
I love you so much I'm so so so so so so sorry my love I will never lie to you again
if I do leave me
I'd rather die than hurt you again
I hate myself
I hate everything about myself
I hate I lie
I hate the way I look
I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF
I deserve everything that happens to me and everything I do to myself
I want to die
I'm running out of distractions
but I'm not leaving her alone forever

Current Mood: blank

Tags:

I want to help my GF but I can't when my problems keep getting in the way
I need to stop being a dramatic little bitch
I need to be "happy"
it hurts me so fucking much to see her hurting but I can't do anything rn
and I just want to be happy actually happy with her I love her so much but we can't be happy if we're both hurting and her problems are so so so so so so much fucking worse than mine I can bare with mine but idk how long she can last with hers

I love her too much to lose but I can't do anything and it feels so fucking bad

Current Mood: annoyed

Tags:

god I fucking hate alcohol but its the only thing that make me feel no pain but it also makes me feel so much pain idk its weird it helps but then it hurts honestly I love it because if I drink enough I wont remember anything the night and all of the feeling, memories, and pain are gone for a little which if I make myself forget the pain will go away right?????

honestly I would love to drink myself to death it would be so fucking great but I can't lose her and I won't leave her so I'll bare with the pain idc how bad it will fuck me up I WON'T LEAVE HER AND I WON'T HURT HER NO MATTER WHAT

Current Mood: drunk
Current Music: No Tomorrow - Three Days Grace

Tags:

I've been spiraling between being depressed and being so horny it makes me sick.
I think I'd rather be depressed than horny because its BAD I don't need to be horny every 5 fucking seconds
honestly the thoughts are probably the worst because my mind is so fucking perverted I HATE IT SO FUCKING MUCH I fucking hate lusting of every fucking thing I'm so fucking done with it.
it doesn't help with me being with my GF it makes it so hard to control myself but I have too and will try to as long as I can. I WILL NOT MAKE HER UNCOMFORTABLE. yes I want to be intimate but not before she is ready till then I will suppress the urge.
I love innocent love but these thoughts make it so hard to control myself.
innocent love is better to me at least but my mind wants more and I FUCKING HATE IT

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I can't think I can't feel I'm cutting again FUCK I DON'T WANT TO PUT HER THROUGH THIS I'M supposed to help HER not make her go through this with me

FUCK!!!!
WHAT AM I DOING

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!!!

Current Mood: weird

Tags:

it felt so right so good but it also felt so wrong but HEY I FEEL BETTER I THINK IDK I'M FUCKING LOSING IT

Current Mood: MADNESS

Tags:

losing it,
madness

I know she'll read this

its all my fault

more ranting

ranting idk

I hate my life

I need to stop being dramatic

drunk as fuck idk idc

I'm going insane?

its BAD this time

I started cutting again

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